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| Our first pictures together as boyfriend & girlfriend. |
July 8, 2013 was my very first date with Trevor. We met at 7-11, got slurpees and walked around campus at BYU. When my best friend Courtney dropped me off to meet him, and I saw him for the first time, I knew I was going to marry him. I had this warm feeling and just instantly knew that Heavenly Father was saving him just for me.
August 22, 2013 was the night Trevor laid face down in my pillow on my bed, at my apartment, and asked me to marry him. First thing I said was, "Are you serious?! You're not joking are you?!" Then of course I said, "Yes!" I couldn't believe that the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. He called my dad to ask for his permission to marry me and my dad gave him his blessing, then we announced it for all of our friends and family.
September 10, 2013 was the day we eloped down to the Spanish Fork City courthouse and got hitched! We didn't tell our family and friends until the next day and we sure got a lot of crap from it, but we didn't care. We knew it was right for us and we still wouldn't go back and change it.
Fast forward to today, November 16, 2015 where we are currently adventuring in North Dakota for Trevor's job with our crazy one year old son Bentley. In the past two years that Trevor and I have been married, we've moved multiple times, had a baby, and Trevor has had multiple different jobs. Now we're just waiting to see what the future brings.
Marriage is hard and I've definitely struggled being a good wife since the day Trevor and I decided to elope and I still do to this day. I'm not proud of it and I continue to work on it every day. Like every relationship, there are going to be fights, arguments and trials.
I struggle with depression and anxiety and have since I was in the 8th grade. Sometimes I let it overcome me and let it control my life. It makes it so I can't be a good mom to Bentley or a good wife to Trevor.
Last night Trevor said something that really hurt my feelings and I stormed off upstairs to our room and cried, I was so mad and hurt. It's my fault that I brought it up, but I just couldn't let go of it. I let it drag on through the night and this is why I'm writing this post today. After thinking about the event from last night, and reading some conference talks and scriptures about marriage, I have come to realize that marriage isn't for me and it's not suppose to be.
Marriage isn't for me, and it's not about me. It's about the person I married, and that is Trevor. I want to make him happy, I want to see him smile everyday, I want him to come home to a clean home so he can just sit down and relax, I want him to come home to a happy wife and child. I want to see Trevor succeed, and I want him to chase after his dreams. Lately, my mind has been thinking, "What do I get from this?" or "What's in it for me?" When I should be thinking, "What can I give?"
No relationship is perfect, and my relationship with Trevor is definitely far from perfect, but now that I've come to realize that my marriage isn't for me, I can now work on being a better wife, and not just that, a better person as well. I have decided that I will choose my battles, and let go of the little things that don't even matter. I will also work on putting Trevor's needs before mine and make sure he knows that I really do love him and care about him. Because in reality, no fight or argument is worth losing the person you love.
Trevor does so much for our little family. He wakes up early every morning, pulls a 12 hour shift some times more, comes home and plays with Bentley if he's still awake, and then spends time with me. I know he is exhausted when he comes home, but he makes the time for Bentley and I and I need to appreciate that. I need to be more understanding and realize that this relationship isn't just about me.
Trevor is one of the most selfless guys I know. He has such a big heart, he is so kind and caring. He always thinks the best in everyone. He will do anything for the people he loves and cares about. I sure got lucky snagging him. After 2 years of being married, he still wants to keep me. I sure am a lucky girl and Bentley is a lucky boy.
Those of you who are struggling in your relationship or marriage, you are most definitely not alone. I'm only 23 and still learning every day on how to make my marriage better, and not just for me, but mainly for Trevor.
So Trevor if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I really do love you and appreciate all that you do for Bentley and I. I am going to work really hard on becoming a better me for you. I am going to work on being a better wife and putting you before me. All of our dumb fights and arguments aren't worth it and are completely pointless. Here's to new beginnings and becoming a better me for you, because after all, our marriage isn't for me, it's for you.
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| The night we got engaged |
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| Surprise! We eloped! |
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| "Photo Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com" |
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| The night of our wedding reception. |
Marriage is hard and I've definitely struggled being a good wife since the day Trevor and I decided to elope and I still do to this day. I'm not proud of it and I continue to work on it every day. Like every relationship, there are going to be fights, arguments and trials.
I struggle with depression and anxiety and have since I was in the 8th grade. Sometimes I let it overcome me and let it control my life. It makes it so I can't be a good mom to Bentley or a good wife to Trevor.
Last night Trevor said something that really hurt my feelings and I stormed off upstairs to our room and cried, I was so mad and hurt. It's my fault that I brought it up, but I just couldn't let go of it. I let it drag on through the night and this is why I'm writing this post today. After thinking about the event from last night, and reading some conference talks and scriptures about marriage, I have come to realize that marriage isn't for me and it's not suppose to be.
Marriage isn't for me, and it's not about me. It's about the person I married, and that is Trevor. I want to make him happy, I want to see him smile everyday, I want him to come home to a clean home so he can just sit down and relax, I want him to come home to a happy wife and child. I want to see Trevor succeed, and I want him to chase after his dreams. Lately, my mind has been thinking, "What do I get from this?" or "What's in it for me?" When I should be thinking, "What can I give?"
No relationship is perfect, and my relationship with Trevor is definitely far from perfect, but now that I've come to realize that my marriage isn't for me, I can now work on being a better wife, and not just that, a better person as well. I have decided that I will choose my battles, and let go of the little things that don't even matter. I will also work on putting Trevor's needs before mine and make sure he knows that I really do love him and care about him. Because in reality, no fight or argument is worth losing the person you love.
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| One of our many engagement pictures |
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| Back in 2011, right before his mission |
Those of you who are struggling in your relationship or marriage, you are most definitely not alone. I'm only 23 and still learning every day on how to make my marriage better, and not just for me, but mainly for Trevor.
So Trevor if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I really do love you and appreciate all that you do for Bentley and I. I am going to work really hard on becoming a better me for you. I am going to work on being a better wife and putting you before me. All of our dumb fights and arguments aren't worth it and are completely pointless. Here's to new beginnings and becoming a better me for you, because after all, our marriage isn't for me, it's for you.
Until next time!
XoXo,
Emi
