Ever have those days, where it's just a really rough day and you feel like you're a horrible mom? Well, feel like that almost every day.
Ever since Bentley was born, he is my life 24/7. I still have time with Trevor and stuff, but Bentley is our main focus.
He needs to be fed and changed around the clock. Needs a bath everyday (for us it's every other day.) Needs his laundry done. Wants to be held and cuddled. Wants to talk and smile. Wants to sit up and stand up to look at this amazing world around him. Wants to sleep all day/night (mostly everyday.) Wants to just sit and do nothing with you.
Every day is a new adventure with Bentley. I'm still learning new things every day about being a mom.
But every day I feel like I'm doing everything completely wrong. Especially when I still have a husband and other things to tend to. Like:
•Laundry that gets piled up to the top in 5 different laundry baskets.
•Dirty dishes that get piled in the sink.
•A kitchen that needs to be cleaned.
•Bathrooms that need to be deep cleaned.
•Floors that need to be swept and mopped.
•Food for Trevor's meals at work.
•Quality time with Trevor
I could go on forever. But I've learned all those other things on your to do list or whatever needs to get done around the house, it can wait. My child comes before anything else. This is the time I need to cherish Bentley being little and spending time with him now.
Let me share an incident that I feel really embarrassed about and guilty for it happening. Ever since Bentley was born he's been co-sleeping with Trevor and I. I never thought I'd co-sleep with my babies because it's dangerous in so many different ways, but it works for some people. He has a cradle that is right next to my side of the bed. He's 2 months now, but when he was a month old, he was sleeping in his cradle, but we woke up to him crying. All he wanted was to be held, so I picked him up and put him in my arm all snuggled up to me and we fell asleep. Well, he was on the side of the bed, and not in his usual spot between Trevor and I. Between his cradle and our bed there's just a little space, and all I remember is waking up to him screaming and crying on his stomach, under his cradle on the floor. I instantly was in panic mode, Trevor woke right up and ran around to pull him out from under it. I was crying, Bentley was crying and I felt like the worlds worst mother right then and there and still feel really guilty about letting it happen.
My heart breaks every time I hear him cry. Sometimes he'll just be screaming and crying for no reason, so I just start crying because I feel like I have failed at being a good mom.
But I'll tell you this, I am not a bad mom. I'm still learning how to be a mom. I learn new things every single day and I'll continue to learn as I grow older and my kids grow up.
Being a mom is one of the things I wanted to be growing up and now I'm a mom. Being a mom is hard, and most days I break down in tears, because something happened or I'm not doing it right. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Being a mom is one of the greatest gifts I could have ever received. I'm so lucky to have Bentley as my son and I'm lucky enough that I get to be his mom.
Right now Bentley and I love to just sit and cuddle, while he talks away in his own little cooing language and smile the biggest smiles he can. He loves to sit in his snug a pup bouncer and fall asleep. He loves his playmat, where he can grab his toys that are hanging down from above. He loves when I read his books to him. I love that I get to learn and grow with him everyday. When he's sleeping, I stare at him and think to myself, "Wow. I have the most perfect, precious gift from above. I must be doing something right."
So if you're a mom and you're reading this, and you have those days where you feel like your whole world is falling apart and you think to yourself you are a horrible mom. Please remember you're not alone and you are most importantly, not a bad mom at all. You are the farthest thing from it.
XoXo,
Emi
