Marriage Isn't For Me

Our first pictures together as boyfriend & girlfriend.

July 8, 2013 was my very first date with Trevor. We met at 7-11, got slurpees and walked around campus at BYU. When my best friend Courtney dropped me off to meet him, and I saw him for the first time, I knew I was going to marry him. I had this warm feeling and just instantly knew that Heavenly Father was saving him just for me.

The night we got engaged

August 22, 2013 was the night Trevor laid face down in my pillow on my bed, at my apartment, and asked me to marry him. First thing I said was, "Are you serious?! You're not joking are you?!" Then of course I said, "Yes!" I couldn't believe that the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. He called my dad to ask for his permission to marry me and my dad gave him his blessing, then we announced it for all of our friends and family.

Surprise! We eloped!

September 10, 2013 was the day we eloped down to the Spanish Fork City courthouse and got hitched! We didn't tell our family and friends until the next day and we sure got a lot of crap from it, but we didn't care. We knew it was right for us and we still wouldn't go back and change it. 

"Photo Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

Fast forward to today, November 16, 2015 where we are currently adventuring in North Dakota for Trevor's job with our crazy one year old son Bentley. In the past two years that Trevor and I have been married, we've moved multiple times, had a baby, and Trevor has had multiple different jobs. Now we're just waiting to see what the future brings.

The night of our wedding reception.

Marriage is hard and I've definitely struggled being a good wife since the day Trevor and I decided to elope and I still do to this day. I'm not proud of it and I continue to work on it every day. Like every relationship, there are going to be fights, arguments and trials.  

I struggle with depression and anxiety and have since I was in the 8th grade. Sometimes I let it overcome me and let it control my life. It makes it so I can't be a good mom to Bentley or a good wife to Trevor. 

Last night Trevor said something that really hurt my feelings and I stormed off upstairs to our room and cried, I was so mad and hurt. It's my fault that I brought it up, but I just couldn't let go of it. I let it drag on through the night and this is why I'm writing this post today. After thinking about the event from last night, and reading some conference talks and scriptures about marriage, I have come to realize that marriage isn't for me and it's not suppose to be.

Marriage isn't for me, and it's not about me. It's about the person I married, and that is Trevor. I want to make him happy, I want to see him smile everyday, I want him to come home to a clean home so he can just sit down and relax, I want him to come home to a happy wife and child. I want to see Trevor succeed, and I want him to chase after his dreams. Lately, my mind has been thinking, "What do I get from this?" or "What's in it for me?" When I should be thinking, "What can I give?"

No relationship is perfect, and my relationship with Trevor is definitely far from perfect, but now that I've come to realize that my marriage isn't for me, I can now work on being a better wife, and not just that, a better person as well. I have decided that I will choose my battles, and let go of the little things that don't even matter. I will also work on putting Trevor's needs before mine and make sure he knows that I really do love him and care about him. Because in reality, no fight or argument is worth losing the person you love.

One of our many engagement pictures

Trevor does so much for our little family. He wakes up early every morning, pulls a 12 hour shift some times more, comes home and plays with Bentley if he's still awake, and then spends time with me. I know he is exhausted when he comes home, but he makes the time for Bentley and I and I need to appreciate that. I need to be more understanding and realize that this relationship isn't just about me.

Back in 2011, right before his mission

Trevor is one of the most selfless guys I know. He has such a big heart, he is so kind and caring. He always thinks the best in everyone. He will do anything for the people he loves and cares about. I sure got lucky snagging him. After 2 years of being married, he still wants to keep me. I sure am a lucky girl and Bentley is a lucky boy. 

Those of you who are struggling in your relationship or marriage, you are most definitely not alone. I'm only 23 and still learning every day on how to make my marriage better, and not just for me, but mainly for Trevor. 

So Trevor if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I really do love you and appreciate all that you do for Bentley and I. I am going to work really hard on becoming a better me for you. I am going to work on being a better wife and putting you before me. All of our dumb fights and arguments aren't worth it and are completely pointless. Here's to new beginnings and becoming a better me for you, because after all, our marriage isn't for me, it's for you.

Until next time!

XoXo,

Emi

Family Pics 2015

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

We finally got family pictures done and I don't have to worry about it anymore! Trying to get these scheduled and done was so stressful. With Trevor's work schedule and not knowing if he'd be in town or not was hard. 

When we moved out here to North Dakota, I scheduled our pictures a month and a half in advanced. I asked around for recommendations and decided on Reeves Photography. Allie did such an amazing job and all Bentley wanted to do was play with her. They became instant friends! For however long we are here, we will continue to go to her for our pictures. 

Here are some of our favorite pictures!

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

"Courtesy of ReevesPhotography.com"

So my North Dakota friends, if you need a photographer Allie at Reeves Photography is absolutely amazing! You will not be disappointed.

Until next time!

Xoxo, Emi

Bentley Jess is 1!

October 30, 2014 at 12:01 am, I became a mom! That was one of the most special days of my life. Bentley came 3 weeks early, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fast forward to October 30, 2015, my baby boy is 1! It was an emotional day for me and he didn't have any idea what was going on, but he did have a good day! 

I decorated for him, and we went out and got some presents as well! 

This past year of parenting definitely hasn't been easy for Trevor and I, but we have learned so much and have grown so much and we can't wait for many more years to come. We love watching Bentley grow and learn and become who he is suppose to be. We are so lucky to be his parents and we love him more than anything in this world! 

Keep being your cute, energetic, cuddly, outgoing, little self Bentley Jess! We love you so much! 

Until next time!

Xoxo, 

Emi

You Will Always Be My Sunshine

Last week on the morning of October 17th, I received the news that my sweet grandpa, Harold Heiner, passed away peacefully in his sleep. When I heard the news, I immediately regretted not seeing him before he passed. I had two chances before we moved to ND, and I didn't take them. 

My older siblings and I all made arrangements to be there for the funeral. Even though it was a sad occasion that we all came together for, it was nice being able to see my family. 

This is my grandpa's old house, that we all grew up going to. It is now sold and has new owners, but we were able to go and have one last visit. It felt so weird driving up the long driveway and meeting the new owners, because to me, that house will always be grandpa's. I have so many memories at that house that I will never forget.

This past Tuesday, the 27th, was his funeral and also, his birthday. I didn't think it would be hard, but as we were all putting flowers into the hole, it hit me that Grandpa is really gone. We celebrated the life he lived all day. 

After the funeral service, we spent our remainder of the day at Whatcom Community College where my grandpa was the President for years. He left such a huge impact on the college and many faculty and students there. The Heiner Center was named after him and all of the hard work he put into the college. 

Even though we came together for a sad occasion, it was so nice to see my family and to be able to spend time with them and celebrate the life of our grandpa. 

Grandpa's song is "You Are My Sunshine." We sang it with him all the time growing up. We sang it the day of his funeral and I broke down crying. It's our family song and I know he's shining up there and watching over us. 

Love you and miss you so much. Keep on shinin up there Grandpa! You will always be our sunshine! 

Xoxo,

Emi

Anniversaries, Birthdays, October & Updates

I'm finally getting around to updating the blog. I'll be honest, I've had time, just being lazy and I have been somewhat busy! 

Last month, on September 10th Trevor and I celebrated our two year anniversary! It's been two years already?! It feels like it's been longer than that. We were talking about everything we've gone through in the past two years and they definitely haven't been easy. We moved so many times, back and forth between Utah and Washinton. Trevor got an amazing job at a dam and then was out of work for two months. We had a beautiful baby boy who keeps us on our toes all the time. We moved to ND for a new job! We've grown together as a couple and are still learning new things every day. These past two years haven't been easy, but they have been so worth it! 

Last Sunday, Trevor had his 23rd birthday! Our brother Mason was so kind to watch Bentley for us so we could go out and celebrate Trevor's birthday together. All Trevor wanted to do was go out and eat, so to Olive Garden we went! He wouldn't let me tell our waiter it was his birthday, which is no fun, because maybe we could have gotten free dessert! After we got home, all Trevor wanted to do was watch some anime stuff and go to bed. I think he had a pretty good day! 

It's finally my favorite month and favorite time of year! October is the best month ever, because my birthday is on the 21st and Bentley's is on the 30th. I can't wait until it's Halloween, because it's Bentley's first Halloween trick-or-treating! He's going to be a shark, the cutest little one out there! This fall season is going to be a good one! 

Speaking of Bentley, he turned 11 months just a couple days ago!

-He has 8 teeth now, with 3 more coming in.

-He's starting to walk! 

-If he doesn't get his way, he'll scream bloody murder until he does.

-He still loves Curious George!

-He loves when his daddy gets home from work.

We love our boy more than anything! He has been such a blessing in our life. Can't believe he'll be 1 next month! Time is flying by fast! 

Last month, Bentley got to meet his favorite cartoon characters in real life! If you follow me on Snapchat, I'm pretty sure most of it is of Bentley and how much he watches and loves Curious George. We literally watch it everyday. He still loves it! 

Bentley has also made some friends! One of Trevor's co-workers has his family out here in ND as well and we've had a couple play dates with them! He loves playing and interacting with other kids. It's a nice change for me, since it's mostly him and I everyday. 

Other then our usual daily routine, we are loving it out here in North Dakota! If we aren't sitting at home watching Netflix, we like going to the library! Or we go to a park that is just down the street! We also go and explore the stores around town and try not to buy too much stuff! This new adventure is already a good one! 

Until next time!

Xoxo,

Emi